Getting Off the Hamster Wheel

I see many people these days who are feeling overwhelmed. They have so much going on in their lives. They feel consumed by their to-do lists, by their email in-boxes, by their dining room table or desk piled with paper, by all of their responsibilities. They describe being on a hamster wheel going around and around and they are asking, how can I get off?

And, they feel stuck. How can I get off of this hamster wheel? How can I be effective? How can I move forward in my life and my career?

These are important questions. I enjoy helping people answer these questions. And, more importantly make changes in their behavior, their actions and their thinking that helps them get off of the hamster wheel. This doesn’t mean that they are stagnant. They are still moving, and sometimes fast, but they have the capacity to move at a variety of speeds. And, sometimes, they stop completely.

Three strategies to help you get off of the hamster wheel:

• Less is more - Let go of one thing each day for a month. Start getting rid of stuff - physical things. Begin with things. What can you recycle that is cluttering your home or office? What would create space for you? Then move on to getting rid of a way of thinking that is no longer serving you. What is one thought that you would like to get rid of? “I’m not good enough the way I am” or If I am not married, I am not whole.” Or any number of thoughts that may not support you.

• Be curious - Stop and look around. Listen fully. Walk a different way to work and really look around. Turn off your phone and Ipod. What do you see, hear, feel as you pay attention?
  

• Move around - When you feel stuck or your mind is fuzzy. Stand up and take a mini-break. Walk around the block, stretch your body, move to a different chair and take three deep breaths. Change things up. It is amazing how this can free up space in your mind. You can go back to what you were doing with a fresh perspective.

These three strategies may not be so easy to do on your own. Sometimes you need a partner to help you create new practices in your life, ways of being and doing. Sometimes we need a relationship with a friend or a coach to hold us in our new practices. The practices that we engage in help us become the kind of person we are - what we pay attention to, how we go about our day. We may need to change some of these in order to get off of the hamster wheel.

Visit my website and click on "Getting Off the Hamster Wheel" to listen to audio on this topic.

Photos from recent trip to Louisiana

Below are a sampling of photos that I took on a recent trip to Louisiana with my husband, Mark DeWitt. I was struck by the Southern hospitality from everyone we met.



Mardi Gras costumes on display at the Louisiana State Museum in New Orleans. The exhibit is entitled, 100 Years of Zulu.




We took a boat tour on the Atchafalaya River basin. This shot is heading out between the north and south bridges on Highway 10. Thousands of people drove across these these bridges to leave New Orleans prior to Hurricane Katrina.






Maison des Amis in Breaux Bridge, LA.
We had a wonderful dinner at Cafe des Amis.




Mark jams with Junior Martin and his grandson, Joel Martin, an amazing accordion player, at Junior Martin's accordion shop in Scott. They were examples of the amazing Southern hospitality and of lagniappe.




Mark giving his presentation on his book, Cajun and Zydeco Dance Music in Northern California at the Louisiana Book Festival in Baton Rouge. He was interviewed by Kevin Fontentot, another gracious host.



Taken from inside the Louisiana State Senate Chamber












Two shots from the New Orleans Katrina Memorial



















Jim and Jolie (not pictured) were our gracious hosts in New Orleans. Here Jim interviews Mark for a future radio program on WWOZ. In this photo Mark is signing a copy of his book for Jim.

Taking Risks and Moving Out of the Comfort Zone

I rarely gamble, I have little desire to sky dive and my investing has become more conservative as I get older. However, I do enjoy taking certain kinds of risks. Sometimes I put myself into situations that stretch my normal ways of being or that may lead to a greater connection with another person or to furthering my career.

One example from my past is when I decided to take a job at Grinnell College in Iowa after graduate school. My friends and family were a bit surprised. “You are leaving Santa Barbara, CA to move to a small town in Iowa?” they asked. Yes! And while I sometimes missed California and my friends, I was really glad that I made the move. I got a far better job right out of graduate school than if I had stayed in California. I met wonderful people and stretched my horizons. And I knew I could always move back.

I have recently begun a collaboration with other consultants and coaches who work with artists and arts organizations (Consultants and Coaches for the Arts). I met with them shortly before a planned vacation to the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. A light bulb went off in mind that I should try to meet with the director of the Festival to let him know about my own consulting and coaching work and also about our group.

I looked on the Festival website and found the name of the Executive Director but not his email address. I decided to send an email to the “admin” address and put the Executive Director’s name in the subject line. I wrote a short email message introducing myself, giving my website address and that of our group. I told him that I would be in Ashland attending plays and when I would be available for a meeting. I asked if he would like to meet and then I hit “send”.

And then I waited. That night I told my husband what I had done. Mark seemed skeptical that I would get a response. I told Mark that I had nothing to lose. It would be great if he responded, but if he didn’t, so be it.

I had sent my message on Saturday and around 1 pm on Monday I received an email from the Executive Director letting me know the days and times that he was available to meet. Yes! We met that Thursday morning at 9 am for a lovely conversation. The following Monday I sent him a follow-up email thanking him for his time and sending him the links to a couple of articles that I had mentioned in our meeting. He emailed me back that morning thanking me.

Will this meeting result in a work engagement? I have no idea. However, I enjoyed our conversation and being invited into his office in the inner sanctum of the festival. I was also able to ask his opinion on what play to recommend to friends who would be attending the Festival later this month. I certainly realize that not everyone is as gracious and quick to respond as this person. However, having had this positive experience, it makes me eager to think about whom else do I want to meet? What other risks would I like to take?

Who would you like to meet? What risk are you contemplating? Which voice in your head will you listen to? The one that says, “go for it?” or the one that says, “why would he want to talk with me?” Are you willing to give possibilities a chance before discarding them?

Would you like a partner in supporting your journey? If so, contact me at Oak Communications.

Julie & Julia

Last night Mark and I went to see the movie, Julie & Julia. How fun. I laughed out loud, and okay, I even cried. I could practically taste the dishes that the characters were so enjoying.

The movie led me to recollect some of my favorite meals. In the Dordogne Valley in France, I was researching a new bike trip for Backroads, the active travel company. I had the most delicious salad of my entire life at a train station cafe. One never knows where a favorite meal will come from. Then again, I can't imagine eating an amazing salad at a train station in the United States.

Another memorable dining experience was in New Iberia, LA, in Cajun Country, at a small bed and breakfast that also had a dining room. Each course was as delicious as the next. Mark and I were in heaven, just as Julia and her husband were in the opening scene of the film. We have not tried to go back to that restaurant, wanting to preserve the memory of the perfect meal.

I have read several reviews of the movie, and many have written that that they did not like the scenes with Julie. While a film solely about Julia Child would be wonderful, especially with Meryl Streep portraying Julia, it would be a totally different film. I loved how Julie & Julia showed how both characters were searching for their passions. They each were trying to identify their strengths and interests. How could they pursue these in a way that gave meaning to their lives? It showed their drive and their willingness to persevere even when it was difficult.

It also illustrated how times have changed for women since Julia Child was finding her way. Julia wanted to pursue a career and at that time, especially in France, that was not so common. For Julie, it was more a question of what career. She clearly was not interested in the types of work that her friends had chosen. She had to figure out what matched her own interests and strengths. So, she followed her passion for cooking and writing and used Julia Child as her guide.

I too have a Julia Child story. In 2002 I was working for the Music Academy of the West in Santa Barbara. We held a fundraiser entitled the Santa Barbara International Wine Auction and Festival. In order to entice regional chefs to take part in the festival, we asked Julia Child if she would be willing to have her photo taken with each of the chefs individually in advance of the festival. She heartily agreed. I was responsible for orchestrating the shoot so that it went quickly and efficiently as Julia was approaching her 90th birthday. After the shoot, I noticed that Julia had helped herself to a glazed doughnut and had sat back down in the chair. I took the opportunity to sit down next to her. And, lucky for me, the photographer snapped my picture with Julia as well.

I also asked Julia if she would sign one of her cookbooks that I had purchased to give to my niece Emily who was getting married the following month. Yes, she generously did so.

So now I find myself blogging about a movie (at least partly) about blogging.

Power of Exercise

Yesterday I was in a funky mood after participating in a telephone meeting. I wasn't crazy about how the meeting went and was having trouble shaking my bad mood.

It wasn't until later, while working out at the gym, that my mood turned around. I don't know why I am always amazed at the power of exercise to elevate my mood. It is like a magic pill. It also gives me more energy. I generally exercise beginning around 6 pm. Many days I am tired and wonder if I should go to the gym or take my hike. I am always grateful when I do because I feel so much better afterwards.

Yesterday I was listening to music on my I pod. When a slow, sad song came on I switched it to upbeat music. That too got me feeling in a lighter mood.

Stepping Into A Child's Skin

My brother Nathan sent an email to me and my siblings a while back describing a conversation that he had with our dad which led him to think about justification and to stepping into the skin of his son. With Nathan's permission, I share his thoughts here:

Dad said he wished he knew when his time would end because it will probably be soon. I asked why he said that because he seemed to be in good health. He said he was in good health. I suggested that he try to enjoy himself and not be waiting for his time to end. He said he was trying to enjoy it. Not too many things that he wants to do.

This conversation really struck a chord for me. It is sad that dad is in some ways giving up already even though he is exceptionally healthy for his age. Many of his friends and family have died and perhaps there is a part of being human that makes it easier to face the end as the time approaches. He probably is bored and is losing the initiative to try new things and meet new people. This is fascinating and sad.

I have noticed that as I get older it becomes easier to justify not to work out, or not to make the extra effort that I would have made when I was younger. In order to stay young I have to fight the justification to be less ambitious and vital. Justification will become easier and easier the older I get such that by the time I am dad’s age I too will have justified the end.

With raising a child you really have to put the justifications aside because children cannot argue their own cases very well. They just say, “I want to do this” and that is it. Not the kind of argument that a parent can use to decide yes or no. It requires extra work to argue the case for the child and to make a decision based on his or her viewpoint. It is easy just to say, "I am tired" as a justification to say no to a child’s request to play.

Just the other day Jordan wanted to stay longer at the beach. He was raising quite a stink about leaving. He is unable to argue his case. "Dad, I had to sit in the car for 1 hour and 20 minutes to get here. Now we stay 1 hour and I have to sit in the car another 1 hour and 20 minutes to get home. Can't we stay a little longer?"

Of course mom "I am not leaving. I am going to the tide pools" So a battle ensues. Since Jordan cannot argue his own case yet, Dad and Mom need to be able to argue his case for him in the middle of this power struggle. Nearly impossible.

I was able to get away from the situation and leave mom to deal with Jordan. In the brief time I was away it gave me the time to empathize with Jordan and argue his case for him to myself. Once I explained it to Mom, it made perfect sense.

The bottom line is that I have to dig deep to come up with the energy and the patience to stay another hour at the beach playing hide and go seek and gathering rocks and chasing, etc. It actually was quite fun and we stayed till sunset.

As adults it is easy to justify not doing something because I am tired. I am sore. I am bored. I am cold. I am many different things and Jordan’s feelings do not matter as much. Fighting that justification is so important to do throughout my life so that when I am 80 or 90 years old I still look forward to waking up and going out to do something new or something old, but I am not giving a reason why I will not do it today.

_Nathan

Taking Time To Listen To The Music

Musician playing the violin in a Washington DC
Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007.

He played six Bach pieces. During that time approximately 2,000 people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.

After:

3 minutes
A middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.

4 minutes
The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the till and without stopping, continued to walk.

6 minutes
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.

10 minutes
A three year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly, as he watched the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. Several other children stopped to watch and every parent, without exception, forced them to move on.

45 minutes
The musician continued to play. Only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 people gave him money but continued to walk at their normal pace. He collected $32.

1 hour
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.

This is a real story. The Washington Post, as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities, arranged the entire scenario. Playing incognito, no one knew the violinist was Joshua Bell , one of the most acclaimed musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days prior to this, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the tickets averaged $100 per seat.

The questions raised:
In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty; do we stop to appreciate it; do we recognize talent in such an unexpected context?

One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ....... How many other things are we missing in our lives on a daily basis?

(Thank you to my sister for sending me this story.)